And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize