Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
