Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
