I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
