so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
