I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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