Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
