It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize