come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
