i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
