Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize