Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
