No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
