Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize