Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
