I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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