then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
