can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She tied me up with her honor cords...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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