You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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