You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize