Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
