After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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