Plan B is the new Plan A
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
