how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
