They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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