I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
