I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
