dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
