so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
