Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
