I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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