I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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