You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
