my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Are my feet made of real feet?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
