new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
