I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
