did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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