never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
