She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
