Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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