She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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