help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
