hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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