you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
