I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well I just put wine in my tea
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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