How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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