My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
