She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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