Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
