3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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