Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I haven't been this sober since birth.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
