he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
