According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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