You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
