Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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