Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
