Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
