how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Even my vagina gasped.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
there is glitter all over my balls
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize