I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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