I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize