dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
