So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
