you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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