Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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