I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
