plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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