HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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