Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
