I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
