I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
