I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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