you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
