wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
