I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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