Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
