sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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