forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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