where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize