bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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