Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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