"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
