I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
