foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize