worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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