areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
